Advice for Men: Ask your WifeMar 21st, 2010 | By Kevin Harris | Category: Lead Article, Relationships
It has taken me a while but I’m starting to learn that whenever I think everything is hunky-dory in the world, I should check with my wife, because it is probably not. That whole Mars and Venus thing – with women speaking a different language than men – my wife tried to explain it to me once, but it didn’t really make sense.
You’d think after 7 or so years in your marriage that you would have most of the problems in your relationship ironed out, but from what I gather that is when they just get going. Apparently, up till this point your wife has been biting her tongue because she still had hope that you would get “it”. She has never mentioned what “it” is before because she is convinced that you know what “it” is as well and are deliberately doing “it” to annoy her. She has been trying not to get angry or cry in front of you, but has reached a point where she can’t sleep at night and can’t understand why you insist on doing “it” even though it obviously upsets her.
All of the women in the neighborhood know about “it”, but the idea that she would have to tell you when it is so blatantly obvious is even more upsetting to her than “it” itself. And now through advances in social media technology you can bet that women all over the planet know more about your relationship than you do. They may already be planning your divorce or more likely: your demise.
Meanwhile you haven’t heard any complaints so you assume that all is well.
I learned a lesson from the movie, Groundhog Day, which probably would’ve come in handy if I’d ever used it. But anyway, in that show – if you aren’t familiar with it – a man gets stuck in a day and repeats it over and over hundreds if not thousands of times until he finally gets it right. And throughout the movie he is trying to win the heart of a certain women who rejects him time after time until the very last day. And when the day has finally changed and he no longer has to win the girl (kind of like after you get married) he turns to her and says, “Is there anything I can do for you today?”
An amazing question.
I’ve often wondered if women can read other women’s thoughts or if they just expect that from men. But then I noticed that women like to ask questions like “What are you thinking about” (which usually annoys men) and questions like the Groundhog Day question above, and I figured out that if you regularly ask a question like this to your wife they have no problem telling you what they’ve refused to tell you on their own. Asking this kind of question may possibly save your life.
Gary Smalley a well known marriage counselor has suggested that you regularly ask your wife where you are at on a scale of 1 to 10 and if you are low than you can ask “What can I do to raise that number?”
I tried this once years ago and was so frightened by the answer that I never asked it again. But I can see now how wise it really is. And how if you ask these kinds of questions with sincerity and a real desire to improve your relationship, it could work miracles. Also the more frequently you ask, the less time there is for things to build up and so the better it is for the both of you.
I love my wife and really appreciate her. And the next time I think everything is hunky-dory I will remember to check with her. Who knows, maybe I might actually be right.