Family is a major part of your happiness and the family room is where you spend time with them. Those whom you love the most (and who probably drive you crazy at times), are the same individuals you can walk around in your pj’s without your teeth brushed, no make up and crazy hair. You love these people no matter what and they love you. You have your fights, but when it comes right down to it you are there for each other.

Often in the family room you revert back to childish behaviors, not always appropriate or productive to building adult relationships. This can especially cause a problem when one person is ready to grow up and the other is not. When faced with reality you may need your grown-up sibling by your side or maybe you don’t want to feel like a child around your parents anymore. Some patterns will keep repeating themselves. The key is to recognize them and change.  Keeping in mind you can’t change another individual, only yourself. In the book The Nine Rooms of Happiness they use a formula to demonstrate this: A+B=C (A is you, B is the other individual, C is your relationship) Change yourself (A) and that will change the relationship (C).

One of the good things about family (I think) is that they can be brutally honest. My son, who is only 5 years old, already tells me—at least once a week—to go change my clothes because they don’t look good. He is the fashion police for our home. (The problem is: how much fashion sense can a child who wants to wear pajamas all day really have?)

As we get feedback (referred to as “pinging” in the book) from family we learn how to measure ourselves. We learn what is true and false and who we can trust—what feedback to listen to and what to ignore. Limits are essential and need to be placed on relationships. Sometimes limits or boundaries are needed to keep yourself safe.

The following quote pretty well sums up what you are trying to do in the family room to make yourself happy:

“In the family room, the people there know you the best; which means they know where you’ve come from, but they may not always know where you want to go (or even who you are today). They continue to see you as the “kid sister” or “daughter,” which will always be true, but it’s only part of the picture. You need to let them see you grow and evolve, but that doesn’t mean leaving them behind. You can still be part of the family in a new way, one that reflects your contemporary self. And happier too.”