How to Use the Women’s Restroom

I have occasionally had to use the women’s restroom. Not the big public restrooms with lots of stalls – I am talking the one-person-at-a-time room that you lock behind you.

It doesn’t make any sense to me that it has to be labeled one way or another since only one person can use it anyway. Shouldn’t it just say “Restroom“? My guess is that some women can’t handle the idea of using a restroom that a stinky man has used, so they have to divide them up. Maybe they just like to decorate one room all cute for the ladies and put up a fishing picture or something they think men appreciate while relieving themselves (excuse my English) in the other.

But I digress.

There are rare instances when two people of the same sex have to relieve themselves at the same time. I know it seems strange, but it has been known to happen–especially since people tend to eat lunch around the same time (at least at the restaurants I go to). For instance, the other day I arrived quite hurriedly to the bathroom door only to find it locked already. I did a little dance and paced for a minute not sure what to do. The women’s restroom door was open and unoccupied. I decided that I was either going to have to use the ladies room or something worse would happen.

As I was finishing up in the ladies room I heard someone twist the locked door knob. Uh-oh. Apparently, a woman was out there wanting to use the toilet. I froze. I now had a dilemma. I knew that if I opened the door I would have to come face to face with this woman. And not only would she be shocked that I was in there, but a woman needing to use the restroom is not something to be trifled with. I may end up dead.

I scanned the walls for windows or some other means of escape. I thought about not coming out. Maybe if I stayed in there long enough she would go find another restroom, or better yet, use the Men’s room.

Not likely.

I decided that the longer I stayed in there, the angrier she would be when I came out. So I quickly came up with a plan.

I opened the door, and sure enough, a woman stood there with a surprised look on her face. Without hesitating, I held the plunger up and said to her, “It should be working now”. I walked confidently past her and when I got around the corner I set the plunger down and waited until I heard the door close behind her.

I just hope it smelled okay.

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