Changing My Doubts Back into Confidence

One month after surgery, our son, Josh, came down with mono. I couldn’t help but wonder if he had gotten it at the hospital or perhaps due to a weakened immune system as a result from surgery. I had felt confident in our decision for Josh to have the ‘Nuss Procedure’. His chest was sinking in and pushing against his heart and lungs making it hard for him to breathe deeply or exert much energy. But some had said that his condition might correct itself over time and that the surgery was merely cosmetic. I, on the other hand, had experienced a series of miracles–things falling into place–and a feeling of peace associated with the decision to move forward with the surgery.

Now, 6 weeks after surgery I was doubting–afraid I had made a mistake. He had been through so much with the surgery and now the sickness.  Every time I hugged him and felt how thin he had become or looked into his pleading eyes…well, I just felt like I had made a mistake.

Have you ever felt inspired to do something and then things go wrong and you start to doubt and wonder if you did the right thing?

The surgery and mono had weakened and exhausted him. He lacked much of an appetite and just wanted to sleep when he got home from school. It was torture to keep him awake for anything else. Anyone who knows Josh, knows he is all about friends and fun, but now, he was just surviving.

He came home from school one day and immediately crawled into bed just like he had most days that week. I felt horrible getting him out of bed for the orthodontist, his eyes pleading for sleep. I was hit with doubt again, but today I got the reassurance I needed.

At the orthodontist, the young lady working on Josh’s teeth asked about his surgery. She knew just what we were talking about and went on to explain that her sister had the same condition. She too was also told it was just a cosmetic surgery, but she had decided not to go through with it. She was now in her 30’s and the doctors had been very wrong. She couldn’t exert herself at all due to the pressure on her chest and avoided higher elevations due to the major discomfort. It had really impacted the quality of her life and she continually regretted they hadn’t done the surgery.

Though I am so sorry for her, I was grateful for the reminder that we had done the right thing for Josh. It may be a struggle now, but it is short term.

Sometimes in life we feel inspired to do something and then we hit bumps in the road and take it that we made a mistake. That often isn’t the case. Maybe we had more to learn or later discover that what looked so bleak at the moment ended up really being a blessing.

As you ask for the help to keep going, God may give you a tender mercy–like we experienced–that reminds you that you made the right decision.

If you keep a journal or do a God Journal, going back and reading about the inspiration you received or the times everything worked out–may be all you need to remember that you are doing the right thing.

Have you had an experience that confirmed that your earlier feelings were correct? We would love to hear from you in the comments below.

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